What to do if you love a person very much. How to stop loving a person who doesn't love you? Laughter and tears
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Non-reciprocal feelings cause a strong blow to the psyche and self-esteem. There is a feeling of depression, dissatisfaction with oneself and life, even to the point of depression. You can and should get rid of such feelings as soon as possible. We will tell you what to do so as not to build castles in the air and turn this page of life.
website I figured out how to forget about suffering, even if there was a fiasco in my personal life.
1. Accept the fact that this person does not need you.
If today it seems to you that the object of your affection still loves you a little, and tomorrow he disappears for a week, then there is no talk of any love here. Check if your story is similar to the classic relationship between two lovers. Admitting that your lover does not reciprocate your feelings is already a step towards a decent way out of the situation.
And the next time you want to remind him of yourself or ask how he is doing, think about how it looks in his eyes. A person he doesn’t need at all constantly takes care of him. All he feels is condescension. Do you want to be a servant at the feet of a master? Better do something more enjoyable.
2. Shift your focus
“Out of sight, out of mind” is the motto of the initial stage of “rehabilitation”. Move as far as possible from the object of your desire: a relatively long and long trip with an information detox (no need to constantly monitor his/her profiles on social networks) is a great option.
If, due to circumstances, it is not possible to avoid meetings, distance yourself mentally: even if a person is in the same space with you, this does not mean that you should think about him and only him. Direct your thoughts in a pleasant direction: what else do you dream about, what do you want, besides the notorious “happiness in your personal life”?
3. Find a like-minded person
You are not alone in experiencing heartbreak. Many have known the bitterness of unhappy love. And almost everyone did it. Tell a loved one who has been in your shoes about your experiences. Gently ask what his journey was like, what helped. Sometimes it is enough to hear simple words: “How I understand you.” And it gets easier.
Just don’t make the mistake many people make: don’t turn this topic into a favorite one. This way you will constantly think about one person and it will be very difficult to forget about him. In order to speak out and listen to opinions, a few conversations are enough.
If you don’t want to take your amorous affairs outside the boundaries of your personal space, turn your attention to culture: the topic of unrequited feelings is relevant, and it’s not difficult to find books or films whose characters will make you rise from your knees.
4. Take care of yourself
When thoughts are preoccupied with unpleasant experiences, there is a great risk of letting yourself go. Even if the cats are scratching your soul, even if you don’t want to do anything at all, still pay attention to your appearance and health. Take a pleasant and aromatic bubble bath. Brew yourself a delicious and healthy herbal tea. Update your wardrobe or hairstyle.
Under no circumstances should you start smoking (or increase the dose if you already smoke) and drown your grief in alcohol, or do stupid and thoughtless things that jeopardize your health or even life. Especially if this self-deprecation is aimed at making your lover see how bad you feel and immediately understand everything. This won't happen. But you will ruin your health.
5. Play sports
There are different ways to bring emotions into balance. One of the most effective options is physical activity. They release negative energy. Run every morning. Or sign up for a gym, fitness class, or a swimming pool. Or even go horse riding: you will get a positive charge not only from the activity, but also from communicating with a beautiful animal.
Combined option - dancing: both sport and creativity. Turn on your favorite music and dance until you drop, imagining yourself as the star of the party. Or go to study one or another type of dance in the studio. This way you combine business with pleasure.
6. Drop your hopes
Failures, including on the personal front, are part of life. If something didn’t go according to your plan, this is not a reason to get angry at all members of the opposite sex and hate yourself for imperfection. Trust that everything will work out for the best in the end. And do not wish harm to the object of your unhappy love, because no one is obliged to sacrifice themselves for the sake of your peace of mind.
Would you yourself begin to associate your life with someone for whom you have no sympathy, just out of pity? It’s better to appreciate what good this person gave you, thank him and move on through life with your head held high and a smile.
Bonus
Bring a little philosophy into your life. Create or find a personal motto and have it in front of your eyes, or regularly replay it in your thoughts. Let this be a phrase that instills peace and faith in the best. On the ring of King Solomon there was an engraving with the inscription: “Everything passes, this too will pass.” Why not use the experience of a wise ruler?
The question of how to get rid of unnecessary feelings and unrequited love is no less relevant than the question of finding it. After all, just as some people are looking for love, others are trying with all their might to eradicate it from their hearts. How to stop loving a person if the relationship has failed and your feelings for him bring only suffering? Let's look at a few simple ways.
Refuse all contact and interaction
If you are determined to free your heart from your former love, this point will account for almost 50% of success. Despite the desire to make contact on a social network, call or otherwise appear in the field of view of this person, it is absolutely forbidden to act in this way. After all, then feelings will flare up with even greater force - due to the fact that he or she has now become inaccessible to you. Think about it: do you want to torture yourself even more so that you can eventually become a patient in a psychiatric clinic?
Fill your life with people
Those who are trying to fall out of love often make the same mistake: they withdraw into themselves, sit at home, endlessly replaying memories of a wonderful or not so wonderful past, and some in these cases even begin to abuse alcohol. Since both unnecessary suffering and treatment for alcoholism are most likely not in your plans, try to add as much variety to your life as possible.
Make new social connections and renew old ones. After all, often one of the best consolations can be a friendly shoulder or even communication with strangers. Communicate at every opportunity - let people always surround you: at work, study or leisure. If there is not a single moment of loneliness in your schedule, then there will be no time to yearn for unfulfilled dreams.
Think about this person in a negative way as often as possible.
What bad things happened during the time you were together? What events helped highlight the negative traits of his character most clearly? What about physical disabilities? Whenever a wave of regret about a past relationship hits you, try to fight it back in the form of as vivid a memory as possible of the shortcomings of this person.
After all, there are no saints or ideals in the world - everyone chooses the one with whom he would be more comfortable and happy to live. And if you realize that the person you currently have feelings for is not able to satisfy your needs, it’s time to remember his disadvantages. Since stopping loving a person who doesn’t love you is a sacred thing, you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Just remember the biblical “treat your neighbor the way you want to be treated.” Justice is exactly what should now make you soberly face the truth and not be afraid, at least within yourself, to admit all his or her shortcomings.
It is always much easier to stop loving a person if you occupy your mind with worries and work
It often turns out that work, especially intellectual work, is not an easy task if feelings are still smoldering in the heart. But in fact, the more difficult it is to force yourself to get down to business, the more useful this type of activity turns out to be for distracting from difficult thoughts.
Start dreaming about your new boyfriend or girlfriend
The more attractive the other person is to you, the more effective this method is. Regarding this point, a whole range of actions can be taken - from dating new potential candidates for the place of a lover to simply dreaming of better days with a better person. In the first case, such “therapy” may be the most effective. However, here you need to adhere to the golden rule: do not rush headlong into the pool. Such dates, for the most part, can only serve as a distraction for you. After all, it is very easy to mess things up without having yet dealt with old problems.
In the second version of this method you have greater possibilities. After all, you can dream about anyone - even if it’s the image of a new mysterious stranger from the pages of a magazine. The main thing here is to intensively feed your brain with information about new potential relationships, to reassure it with the opportunity to again receive the love you need. The more convincing this evidence is, the faster the healing of old wounds will occur.
You can also help yourself get rid of suffering by transforming your environment. Renovating your apartment, changing your job, updating your wardrobe - all these actions will help you start life with a clean slate as soon as possible. If it is possible to move, you should not refuse this option, even if it is moving to another city.
If you don’t have the strength to change anything in your environment, you can, on the contrary, place yourself in a new environment – with the help of travel. The effectiveness of this method is based on the brain’s need for new experiences. New places, people, even the color of the wallpaper - all this provides additional informational food for the brain and helps resist depression.
Forgetting a lost love is very difficult, especially when there is an influx of emotions and memories, and all efforts to free yourself from feelings seem futile. However, it is not. Once you have released all the suffering, recommit to transforming your life with determination. The night is darkest before the dawn - so take courage, and then unnecessary suffering will soon give way to new love.
If you love someone, but he doesn’t love you, then you may well give up that the end of the world has come! The pain you feel in this case cannot be called ephemeral. Scientists have even proven that the pain of a broken heart activates the same neurons in the brain as ordinary physical pain! And even if you can’t control your feelings and heart, you can cope with rejection and unrequited love and move on with your life!
Steps
Part 1
Don't put pressure on yourself- If you can, take a little break from everything that fills your life and give in to sadness. This will help create a healing environment so you can deal with your emotions. For example, when you first realize (or have been told) that this person will never reciprocate your feelings, you need to spend some time alone with your thoughts, even if it's just a 15-minute walk home from work.
- But don't wallow in despair. If you haven't left the house for weeks, haven't showered, and have been wearing the same threadbare sweater that you should have burned long ago, then you've gone beyond the bounds of reason. It's natural to feel sad, but if you don't try to focus on your life again, you will continue to think about that person and experience love pains.
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Understand that you cannot control another person and their feelings. Yes, your reaction in the first moments after receiving a refusal may be thoughts like: “Yes, I will make him/her love me!”, and this is natural - natural, but absolutely meaningless and incorrect. You can only answer and control yourself and your reactions. Unfortunately, it will not work to convince, force or force someone to reciprocate.
- By the way, we can’t always control our own feelings, so it’s worth working on.
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Stay away from this person. Partly, creating space around yourself to grieve and then moving on with your life is possible if this person is not in your life. You don't have to completely cut your unrequited love out of your life, but you do need to take a break.
- You can even talk and say something like, “I know you don’t love me the way I want you to. But I really need some space to get over my feelings.” If she is a good person, you will get the space you want, even if she/he is a little hurt by the distance between you.
- If the person you're trying to fall out of love with is someone you've relied on for a long time and could turn to for emotional support, find another friend to fill that role. Ask a friend if you can get help when you want to talk to someone you're currently trying to distance yourself from.
- Remove this person from social networks or at least hide his or her posts, delete the number from your mobile contacts to eliminate the temptation to get in touch again. You don't want something to constantly remind you of him/her and what that person does. This will make it more difficult for you to keep your distance.
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Express your own feelings to yourself. Give your emotions an outlet, don’t keep them inside, provoking a breakdown! This will help you get through this painful experience. Yes, losses or disappointments often force us to withdraw into ourselves, at least at first. However, you shouldn’t hope that these feelings will disappear on their own - just as you shouldn’t belittle yourself for feeling all this. Express your feelings openly and honestly!
Understand that this will be better for you. No matter how wonderful a person is, you better not love someone who doesn't love you. Moreover, love is blind to flaws. When you fall out of love with someone, you'll likely notice reasons why the relationship between the two of you wouldn't have worked out anyway.
Don't blame him/her. Just as you cannot control your crush, this person cannot control his feelings. If you start blaming this person for being just friends or for not reciprocating your feelings, then you will simply make yourself look bad. The emphasis on bitterness will also not work in your favor.
- You can be sad because your love is not reciprocated without turning it into a search for someone to blame. If your friends start blaming this person for not reciprocating your feelings, thank them for their support, but say, “It’s not fair to blame a person for something over which they have no control. Let’s rather focus on how I can overcome this.”
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Get rid of reminders. It may make you cry having to do this, but it is an important step in the healing process. All these reminders around will complicate your future life, and you don’t need that!
- As you move from one item to another, think about the memories you associate with it. Imagine putting a memory in a balloon. When you get rid of something, imagine that the ball with the memory flies away and never returns.
- If you have a lot of items in good condition, consider donating them to a thrift store or donating them to a homeless shelter. Imagine all the new memories your oversized sweater, teddy bear or CD will bring to its new owner. Let these associations now symbolize the changes you are going through in your life.
Understand that the pain you feel is completely normal. Yes, unrequited love is painful, it hurts almost for real, and all because a “broken heart” triggers the reaction of the parasympathetic nervous system (it is this, by the way, that controls the heartbeat and muscle tension). The pain of unrequited love is natural, so accept it and help yourself.
Allow yourself to grieve. If your love is not reciprocated, it hurts. To overcome pain, you will have to allow yourself to grieve over the hurt and missed opportunity. There is nothing wrong with indulging in your emotions as long as you don't get stuck in that state. Actually, it’s healthier for your health if you feel sad and don’t suppress your emotions.
Part 2
Short-term ways to numb the pain of a broken heart-
Don't get drunk and don't call or text this person. In such situations, especially at the beginning, people have a desperate feeling to call the person. It's much easier to control yourself sober. Drunken reproaches because you are not loved, or tears because you are in great pain - and they will definitely never want to deal with you again. If there is even the slightest chance that you will do something you will regret later, take some precautions.
- Give your phone to a friend (preferably a “sober driver”) with strict instructions not to give it to you, no matter what excuses you make or how hard you beg.
- Delete that person's number from your phone. This way, you won't be tempted to call or text while you're drunk.
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Take a break. While it's impossible not to think about something, it's possible to distract your thoughts to something else until you start falling down the rabbit hole again. Every time a memory comes up, distract yourself with another thought, activity, or project.
- Call a friend. Pick up an exciting and entertaining book. Watch an amazing movie. Build something. Work in the garden. Do some math. Find something to do to keep yourself busy enough to get this person out of your head long enough. The more you don't think about him or her and it becomes a habit, the easier it will become for you.
- A handy trick is to give yourself a certain amount of time that you can think about this person. When you notice unnecessary thoughts starting to creep into your head, tell them: “Not now. I’ll deal with you later.” For example, to start, you can spend one hour a day on this. Throughout the day, you will brush aside thoughts about your unhappy love and plunge into them only during this allotted hour. Once the hour is up, you will return to your normal routine.
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Know that unrequited love is not painful for you alone. Yes, you were rejected, you are very, very hurt. However, according to scientists, this is a double-edged sword - it hurts the one who rejected you too! Few people like to hurt other people.
- Remember that the person who did not reciprocate your feelings may feel very bad because he/she is unable to give you what you need. You yourself understand that if you are not reciprocated, it is not because you managed to fall in love with someone who only dreams of causing you pain.
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Make a list of all the good things about you. Refusal can awaken a terrible self-critic in you, who will convincingly prove that there is nothing to love you for. Don't let this monster wake up! You don’t have to think that there will be no love in your life, since everything happened the way it happened. Scientists believe that those who remember that they are worthy of love cope with a broken heart faster and are better able to overcome similar situations in the future!
Part 3
The beginning of healing- Tell yourself that you can live without that person, who, moreover, is far from ideal. You may very well fall in love with someone else!
- Remind yourself that both people and situations change. The way you feel now will not last your entire life, especially if you are actively working to change your condition.
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See the situation as an opportunity to get to know yourself better. Yes, no one wants to be left with a broken heart, but even this sad experience can be used usefully - for example, to get to know yourself from a new side, to grow above your current self. Unrequited love can be the key to personal growth in the future.
Change your daily routine. Research shows that doing something new—like taking a vacation, for example, or at least changing the route you take to work—is one of the best ways to break old habits and replace them with new ones.
- If you can't afford anything big, implement small, everyday changes. Visit a new part of the city. Spend your Saturday evening at a new establishment. Become a member of a new music group. Learn a new hobby - like cooking or rock climbing.
- Try to avoid anything too drastic unless you're sure you want to do it. During a difficult period in life, many people shave their heads bald or get a tattoo. It's better to wait until you feel a little better before deciding to make these kinds of changes.
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Find yourself. You were so caught up in falling in love with someone that you completely forgot what it was like to just be yourself. Healing from unrequited love is a great time to identify who is underneath those feelings for the other person.
Get out of your comfort zone. New activities and hobbies will help you step outside of your normal routine and you will no longer have associations with the person you are trying to let go of. That is, you will be too busy trying new things to go crazy over a person who doesn't love you.
Avoid mental triggers. It's hard to heal from unrequited love if you constantly remind yourself of the person who broke your heart. Don't look for a song that reminds you of that person, or the wonderful time you had.
Talk to someone. It is better to take the emotional and difficult aspects of the healing process off your plate. If you hold onto emotions, it will be more difficult to let them go forever. Find someone you can honestly tell about what you're going through and how you feel.
Get support from those around you. Rejection of any type, especially rejection in a romantic relationship, is associated with serious difficulty - you begin to feel "isolated." Yes, even if you weren’t able to build a relationship with someone, that doesn’t mean that you can’t strengthen your relationships with other people?!
Don't derail your own healing. There are certain things you need to stop telling yourself. Certain thought patterns can derail your healing and make it much more difficult to move forward.
Part 4
Move on with your life-
Know when you are ready to move on. There is no specific period when you should move forward after unrequited love. Everyone goes through it at their own pace. However, there are certain signs that you are ready to move on and forget about the person who turned out to be not interested in your love.
- You begin to notice what is happening in other people. Often, when a person is in the grieving stage, they tend to withdraw a little. When you become interested in what everyone else was doing at the time, you will know that you are on the right path to healing.
- Every time the phone rings (especially if the number is unfamiliar to you), you no longer think that it is your loved one who suddenly realized the depth of true love for you.
- You stopped identifying with the hero of every song or movie about unrequited love. Actually, you began to expand your repertoire, including things not only about love or the torment of love.
- You no longer fantasize about the fact that this person will suddenly understand what a mistake he made, and how strong the love is between you, and then fall at your feet.
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Avoid relapse. Even if you're ready to move on with your life, sometimes you can catch the love fever again if you're not careful. It's like taking the stitches out of a wound too early. She is healing well but is not yet ready for intense exercise.
- Don't spend time with this person or allow him or her back into your life unless you are sure it won't be a return to your old feelings.
- If you find yourself returning to the past, try not to worry too much about it. You have already put in enough effort to overcome everything, and your work will not be in vain. Going back happens and if you decide to give up right away, it will be very difficult for you in the long run.
Good day, dear readers! Today I will tell you how to stop loving a person whom you love hopelessly and unreciprocally. If you have such a problem, welcome to our website, here they will help and support you.
Unfortunately, not all relationships end as in fairy tales. “They lived happily ever after and died on the same day” is a utopia that very rarely comes true. A person has no control over his feelings and cannot guarantee you his endless love, just like you cannot guarantee him.
If you are left alone with your unrequited love, you need to pull yourself together and literally crawl out of the emotional hole. It will be hard, painful and scary, but you have to go through it. I will help you stop suffering as quickly as possible and let go of the person who does not love you.
Quite recently I was in a similar situation myself. The departure of my beloved man literally knocked me off my feet - I lost my appetite and lost 10 kg, was sick for a long time, could not sleep - in general, I plunged into deep depression. At some point, I was seriously afraid for my life, and this is what prompted me to turn to a specialist. If your condition is close to critical, do not tolerate it, follow my example.
Fortunately, this happens quite rarely; in most cases, a person can survive a breakup and fall out of love with their ex-partner on their own. The main thing is to take the right course and stick to it, no matter what.
Cut the person out of your life
The first thing to do is stop any communication with him. No matter how much you itch to write a message or call, forbid yourself to do this. Avoid places where you might accidentally cross paths. If you were communicating in a common group of friends, you will have to leave it for a while. It is impossible to forget a person if you see him every day.
I warn you right away, your brain will come up with various tricks to get around the ban. Especially if a former lover or lover foolishly offered to remain friends. Such “friendship” will destroy you and delay the healing process.
Get rid of everything that reminds you of him
When you have physically distanced yourself from a person, you need to get them out of your head. To begin with, stop monitoring his pages on social networks, thinking about him, conducting imaginary dialogues with him and discussing him with friends or relatives.
Then take a box and put all his gifts, photographs, movie tickets that you have carefully kept from the time you first met, and other such artifacts. Get rid of all this wealth in any convenient way - throw it away, give it to someone, take it to the forest and bury it, etc.
Stop fantasizing that the person still loves you
My favorite psychologist Marina Komissarova, who has worked with severe love addictions for a long time, says that you can significantly reduce the degree of love in a day by convincing a person that the beloved is indifferent to him. For such cases, hypnosis is even used in psychological practice.
The fact is that healthy adult love is fueled solely by reciprocity. This complex emotional mechanism was formed in the process of evolution and is associated with the most important natural function - procreation.
Where does non-reciprocal fatal love come from, which pushes people to commit suicide and other stupid things, you ask.
It occurs when a person tries to deceive his brain in order to snatch a piece of the free thrill. Scientists have proven that our biocomputer does not see much of a difference between actual and imaginary reality.
Imagine biting into a lemon and immediately salivating. Now imagine kissing your loved one. I bet your heart beat faster and a pleasant warmth spread throughout your body. It is your nervous system that released a portion of endorphins into the blood. Like this – the kiss is imaginary, but the hormones are real. All drugs act in the same way.
So, every time you escape from cold reality into the world of sweet illusions with the image of your loved one, you grow your love and become more attached from scratch, ignoring feedback. This is not just a waste of time, as many believe, but a harmful and dangerous pastime. Especially after a breakup.
Imagine - a girl doesn’t know how to get rid of you, and in your dreams you see yourself as her desired groom. Or you fantasize about being the wife of a man who has no thoughts of marrying you.
So it’s not far from schizophrenia. Therefore, let’s agree - if you can’t get rid of thoughts about a person yet, then at least imagine him indifferent, or better yet, fed up and tired of you. If you succeed, your love will begin to melt before your eyes, believe me.
Fill your free time to capacity
Ideally, you should come home in the evening and collapse from fatigue. Many instinctively plunge headlong into work and run to lift weights in the gym. This is perhaps the best recipe.
You can also start a renovation and take an active part in it. In general, any productive activity that requires mental and physical effort will do. You simply shouldn't have time left to think about the person who left you.
If you feel so bad that you want to climb the wall, psychologists advise paying attention to those who are even worse. For example, volunteer for a couple of days at a cancer center or nursing home.
Communicate more with the opposite sex
Very often, people crawl out of unsuccessful relationships with their self-esteem destroyed to the core. To restore it, you need to stop looking at yourself with the critical gaze of a person who is indifferent to you. Start communicating with people of the opposite sex, first at the friendship level, and then you can include flirting.
Attention directed to you will help restore your faith in your attractiveness and build up your charm. If you are a girl, stop there for now, there is no need to plunge into debauchery and enter into casual relationships. Men can, but only with women they like at least a little.
Change your scenery
If you have been planning to travel for a long time, but have been putting it off, now is the time. New places and vivid impressions will occupy all your attention and displace the image of your loved one from your head. Only rest should be active; lying idle on the beach will not help!
Create the most intense cultural program for yourself - visit museums, climb mountains, have a blast at rock concerts. The best option is to go with a big friendly group. Friends will support you and won’t let you get bored. You can also make new acquaintances right on the spot.
Don't give in to guilt
Immediately after the breakup, you will frantically go over your ugly actions towards your loved one in your head. And if there weren’t any, your brain will help you and come up with them on its own. You didn’t add enough salt to the soup - well, of course, that’s why you were thrown out! They gave you a seventh iPhone instead of a tenth - how could you!
When you feel a problem, it seems that by correcting or compensating for it you can return everything. Nip all such thoughts in the bud, otherwise you may be stuck in this story for many years.
Draw the right conclusions
Any experience, even a bad one, can teach us something. But only if you draw the right conclusions and use them. Let's see what you should pay attention to in our situation.
- If your world literally collapsed after your loved one left, then your life was empty. This is exactly what happened to me. At the time of the breakup, I had no job, all my hobbies were abandoned, my friends were forgotten. It’s not surprising that I ended up in hell and it took me a long time to get out of it. Conclusion: get busy with your life, fill it with something other than relationships, develop.
- Usually, a partner’s cooling off occurs gradually, and if the breakup came as a surprise to you, it means you missed all the alarm bells. In the future, you need to try to be more attentive to your loved one - notice in time his desire to take a break from you and not hang on his neck.
Make plans for the future
Right now, pick up paper and pencil and plan out your next week. Then set yourself goals for the month, year, and so on. Try to imagine your future life as vividly as possible. Naturally, your ex-partner should have no place in it.
When you begin to translate what you have planned into reality, the process will captivate you, and thoughts about the person will fade into the background.
Watch this video at least with one eye, where the guy tells how to quickly fall out of love using NLP techniques.
Ways that don't work
Trying to get rid of thoughts about a person and stop loving him, it is very easy to get lost in three pines. To avoid wasting time and harming yourself, read and remember what to avoid.
Depreciation
When you are very much in love with a person, and he is indifferent to you, there is a great temptation to delve into his shortcomings and, together with his best friends, wash all his bones. You shouldn't do this.
Firstly, at this time you keep his image in your head, and this in no way contributes to withdrawal. Secondly, such attempts at devaluation are pure self-deception. You love him despite all his shortcomings, and if he takes even one step towards you, you will be ready to rush and strangle him in your arms. So why deceive yourself? For any deception you have to pay dearly.
Usually, some time after such mental execution, sympathy and craving for a person only intensify. It’s as if you cut off the head of the Serpent Gorynych, and in its place two grew.
Going on a spree
Drunkenness, debauchery, dubious adventures, of course, help to distract, but only for a short time. When the fun is over, you will inevitably be overcome by emptiness and longing for your loved one. Don’t try to forget yourself - on the contrary, during this difficult period you need to try to find yourself. Find your will, catch it by the tail and rebuild your personality brick by brick.
Revenge
Unfortunately, many people perceive their partner’s cooling off as a betrayal and seek revenge on him. It is not clear what guides them in this case; most likely, strong emotions simply drown out the voice of reason.
Mostly, of course, girls are guilty of this. Women's logic is capable of providing a basis for the most absurd and strange actions. Like - “he broke my feelings, I’ll do something nasty to him, I’ll feel better, and I’ll immediately become indifferent to him.” But it was not there! And plans for revenge, as a rule, are outrageously ridiculous and comical.
“Closing the Gestalt”
What tricks do people come up with to justify their desire to attach themselves to an indifferent person? The champions in this, again, are girls. We heard somewhere the clever word “gestalt”, read that it can be “closed” and let’s try it on ourselves.
“I’ll sleep with him one last time to close the gestalt.” “If I don’t express everything that has accumulated in my soul, the gestalt will not close.” “He left his pencil at my house, I’ll watch for him near the entrance and return it, at the same time I’ll close the gestalt.” Have you probably heard something similar from your friends?
Don't do this kind of nonsense, please. Follow rule No. 1, described at the very beginning of the article - leave the person alone. The faster you do this, the faster you will cool down and start a new life.
Conclusion
Non-reciprocal love is always very difficult and painful, but I’m sure you can handle it. If you need support, do not hesitate to write in the comments, I will definitely help. Take care of yourself!
Love is a wonderful feeling. It brings out the best qualities in a person. Lovers seem to grow wings with which they strive to embrace the whole world. Your eyes are shining, your heart is beating faster, you want not to be separated for a minute and talk about love endlessly.
If you type the phrase “how to make yourself stop loving” into a search engine, everything in your life is far from rosy. The well-known phrase “you can’t order your heart” is only partly true. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that you have to put an end to relationships that are important to you. Letting go of a person who doesn’t love means getting rid of addiction, and, above all, letting go of yourself.
Experts in the field of relationship psychology have long developed a number of ways to get out of a situation where a breakup is inevitable, with the least moral losses.
Causes and Effects
There comes a moment when a woman understands that the relationship has outlived its usefulness, and there is no point in continuing to hope that everything will change and be good again. It’s as if she wakes up from a heavy sleep and sees everything that happens around her with completely different eyes.
How have you never noticed before that your loved one doesn’t appreciate you, doesn’t respect you, communicates rudely, and shows signs of attention to other girls? The question arises: “how to stop loving a man, not suffer and let go”? What does psychology say about this?
Before you look for answers, try to understand what keeps you close? Deep affection, physical attraction or habit? If you sincerely love, then you will be able to understand that forcibly keeping your partner close means bringing him mental suffering. It is easier for a woman to cope with passion than for a man, especially when she understands that she is only an object to satisfy sexual desire.
The hardest thing is to break up when you have come a long way together. It is very difficult for a middle-aged woman to remain alone. She is used to living for her family and does not know how to live for herself. The very thought that she is now unmarried, and her husband may live with someone else, brings unbearable suffering. It is almost impossible to cope alone with the fact that the familiar world is collapsing. The support of family and friends is vital.
How to stop loving your husband while living with him? The reason for separation is not always the betrayal of a partner; other circumstances are also possible.
- Excessive jealousy. A man considers his beloved his property. Gatherings with friends, delays at work, absence from home are perceived as a crime. The husband does not believe excuses, humiliates with suspicions, he is rude and aggressive.
- Love for a married man brings terrible moral suffering. The man set his priorities and from the very beginning honestly explained to his beloved that he had no plans to change his status. The relationship continues as long as the woman is satisfied with everything.
- Partners have different meanings for the concept of “love”. A man lives for his own pleasure, easily breaks up and starts a new relationship. His companion considers herself a married woman, and he belongs to the category of people who are generally incapable of loving anyone but themselves.
- There seem to be no obvious reasons for separation; the relationship has outlived its usefulness. Both lack the desire for mutual understanding; emptiness and indifference reign in the house.
- Excessive demands on the part of men. He wants his wife to sacrifice her career, cook and run the household, and sharply opposes her self-improvement.
When the reasons are analyzed, you can begin the program of getting rid of attachment.
How to stop loving a man?
The algorithm for getting rid of love can be schematically represented as follows:
- Realize that separation is inevitable.
- Make a decision.
- Make a plan, agree on it with yourself and act. It is important not to become limp and not to react to your loved one’s attempts to leave everything as before.
How to stop loving a married man? This is the simplest and fastest option; it is important to understand that a relationship with a person who has a family is a road to nowhere. Statistics, an exact science, if within a year after the start of a relationship a man has not left the family, there is a high probability that he will never decide to break up.
Why complicate things? Accusations of betrayal will begin, and you will have to radically change your lifestyle. Your lover is not ready for such radical changes.
Answer your question honestly: do you want to remain a mistress? Several years will pass, the crazy passion will subside, feelings will cool down a little, and he will decide to finally return to the family. There are thousands of examples. And you don’t have a loved one nearby, or children.
How to stop loving your ex-husband? Basic techniques that will help you cope with feelings relatively painlessly.
Infidelity, betrayal, divorce. How to see him, what to say to the child? There are many problems, but the most important one is persistent, irrepressible mental pain. Do you now even think that you might like someone, new love is impossible? Time will show.
Advice from a psychologist. Try to calm down and write honest answers to the following questions.
- How long can you be in a state of constant stress, experiencing negative emotions?
- If this person is not there, will you feel better after you go through the most painful part of the breakup?
- Do you see a desire for mutual understanding in your partner? Does he realize that he is causing moral suffering?
Answers should be as detailed as possible. It’s better to write them down point by point. As soon as your brain generates the next dialogue, mentally say “stop” to yourself, open your notes and carefully read what you wrote.
Don't allow yourself to be manipulated. After living in a new family for some time, the man understands that the romance has disappeared, his mistress becomes his wife, albeit a civilian one, and many everyday issues arise. All this is not what he was striving for. Does he want to go back? Are you ready to return the fugitive traitor, are you tired too quickly?
A psychological technique called Gestalt therapy, is to end a painful stage of life. We can consider that the relationship with your spouse is complete only when there is nothing left between you but memories. Resentments, like chains binding you, hold you tightly, not allowing you to breathe freely.
Many men do not want to listen to their spouse’s reproaches, do not answer calls or drop the call. While emotions rule the show, most likely you will not be able to find a common language. What to do? Write letters to him and send him by e-mail. It is important that you say what you wanted. In messages to your spouse, do not stoop to insults.
Any adequate person understands that he acted dishonestly; there is no need to emphasize this. It will be possible to put everything in one message, good. It will take a dozen to speak out, that’s your right.
It is important that at the end of the last message you thank him for everything that was good between you. Have you spoken? Let go and live your life, now separately from him. Work, communicate with friends and colleagues and learn to love yourself.
How to stop loving your ex-boyfriend?
Young couples experience breakups much more often than older people. Youthful maximalism sometimes gives rise to situations that can be described as “found a scythe on a stone.” Nobody wants to give in; their own ambitions prevail. It's not about saving each other's feelings. How to stop loving a guy who doesn't love you if you live together?
Discrediting the image is a surefire way that psychologists advise to get rid of obsessive addiction. Look at the qualities of your loved one not through the rose-colored glasses of love, but from the opposite side. This technique was vividly described by Lope de Vega in the comedy “Dog in the Manger.”
Having slightly paraphrased the classic, we get “... To forget, try to carry in your memory its flaw, and the most disgusting one”! Was your boyfriend too clean and did it bother you? Develop your thought. Now you can safely call someone who is too thrifty a greedy person, or come up with more biting words.
Say good things to yourself. People who hear pleasant things addressed to them normalize their emotional background, and this is very important for you now.
How much strength suffering takes, sometimes it brings not only moral, but also physical pain. Channel your energy in a positive direction. Work on your body, learn languages, develop your creativity, and remember, after darkness there is always dawn!