How resentment affects a person's life. The influence of resentment on the human psyche and health
Feelings of resentment can harm not only a person’s psychological health, but also their physical condition. Resentment destroys a person from the inside, gradually. It's like a time bomb, which if you don't defuse it in time, you can explode inside yourself and cause yourself even greater suffering. Why exactly is this feeling dangerous and how to get rid of it?
What happens when we get offended
Resentment, like any other negative emotion, negatively affects a person’s biofield, creating energy holes through which any disease can freely pass. Resentment has its own diseases. Remember the popular expressions about this feeling that characterize the state of an offended person:
- Resentment weighs on my chest
- Everything in my chest sank with resentment.
- He is choked with resentment.
It is easy to guess that the most common diseases of eternally offended people are asthma, bronchial disease, coronary artery disease, tachycardia, myocardial infarction, and thyroid disease.
Is it worth mentioning how much harm resentment brings to a person’s psychological health? How to live happily, remembering grievances? This is impossible!
How to stop being offended
The philosopher and spiritual teacher Osho said very well about how to perceive offensive words and actions that hurt: “If everyone attacks me, I just laugh. And if you were offended, it means that there is pain inside you! You don't know yourself. The part of you that can be offended is your ignorance. If someone calls you an idiot and you agree, you will be offended. But if someone calls you an idiot, and you know that you are not an idiot, you will just laugh! If you are offended, then you take those offensive words spoken to yourself personally. When you know yourself, no one can harm you. When someone bullies you just close your eyes, if it's true then accept it. If not, then laugh, don’t be serious!”
Perhaps no psychologist has ever said it better!
For that, to stop being offended I, you need to learn a few rules and constantly repeat them like a mantra if you feel that you are about to be offended.
- I am the master of my destiny and the master of my emotions. I am not going to succumb to outside provocations.
- Nobody owes me anything. Not a single person in the world. Only I myself provide my own happiness and success.
- Resentment makes me a weak and helpless person. She doesn't let me breathe deeply and enjoy life!
Learn to let go of grievances and forgive, first of all, for the benefit of your own health! We wish you good luck and don't forget to press the buttons and
05.05.2015 09:46
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The feeling of resentment is interconnected with the feeling and understanding of guilt. By being offended, we make it clear to our opponent that something does not suit us in his behavior or attitude towards us, or even seems unacceptable. At the same time, the offender does not always understand why he was offended, and this can cause harm not only to the relationship, but also to the health of the offended person.
Resentment is one of the emotions that helps us understand another person, his needs and feelings. At the same time, it is very important to learn to listen and hear each other, as well as think rationally. Because, by being offended seriously and over trifles, we cause damage to relationships with loved ones, to ourselves, to our health.
Causes and consequences of grievances
Who do we usually get offended by? On people close to us, colleagues at work or study, that is, on those with whom we are in regular contact and with whom we have to coexist.
We get offended by people who are strangers to us: it is stupid to hold a grudge against a street lout whom you will never meet again, or against a seller who refused to give a good discount on a product.
Of course, resentment is a negative emotion, but it helps us understand the mood and feelings of another person, as well as determine the true desires of the opponent. By the way, sometimes excessive touchiness can be a manifestation .
Thus, understanding that you have offended a loved one allows us to “get used to” each other and learn to live and work together.
But with such a tough “tool” as resentment, you need to be extremely careful. Firstly, your opponent cannot always understand why exactly you were offended: the conflict will not be resolved, and the relationship will significantly deteriorate. And secondly, representatives of the inner circle can be divided into two camps, supporting one side or another, which can cause serious conflict and disagreements among a large number of people.
The impact of resentment on health
When taking offense at anyone, it is important to remember that by doing this we, first of all, harm ourselves. Thus, the constant experience of resentment, especially if it is hidden and has no energetic outlet, leads to psychosomatic disorders.
This leads to autonomic disorders and, simply put, we start to get sick. In this way, the body protects the nervous system from more serious disorders, “distracting” us to other, vegetative, disorders: problems with the gastrointestinal tract are the most serious “response” to frequent grievances, although the reaction of our body can be very different.
You probably remembered the phrase “all diseases come from nerves” - this is actually true. The most dangerous consequences of constant hidden grievances can even be malignant tumors. And this is already a reason to think, isn’t it? Therefore, for your own health, it is better either not to be offended, or to forgive.
The impact of resentment on relationships
Resentment is a kind of claim against the person who offended us. Typically, the reasons for such claims are differences in the worldview of loved ones and differences in their views on certain problems. Therefore, it is important to learn to accept the point of view of others and respect it, otherwise the consequences can be the most unpredictable.
How does resentment affect relationships? The consequences can be very different from a simple conflict to complete disappointment in a loved one and a final break in the relationship.
Reluctance to understand a loved one and accept his point of view is nothing more than a manifestation of the self-centeredness of the offended person. Therefore, before you try to change anyone, try to understand yourself: perhaps your ideas about the problem are wrong or both your approach to it and your opponent’s version have a right to life. Compromise will be an excellent way to resolve contradictions and maintain warm relations.
It will also be useful for you to know .
Resentment - each of us is familiar with this feeling. When your eyes fill with tears, self-pity appears, and thoughts swirl chaotically in your head. “Why did they do this to me?”
I'm offended!
When do we get offended? When we feel we are being treated unfairly. When the words or actions of the offender “touched” our pain points. All people, without exception, are offended, some every day, and the lucky ones - once a month. But often our offender does not even suspect that he has offended us. And we continue to replay the offense in our heads. Unforgiven grievances take away our time, energy and peace of mind. Some especially serious grievances may lie like a heavy stone on the soul for many years, but the result is always the same - self-pity, distrust of others, isolation, health problems.
How do grievances affect our health?
Let's start with something simple, namely, with what each of us wants to preserve for many years - health. In medicine there is a separate section “psychosomatics”, (from the Greek psycho-soul, somate-body) the science of the influence of psychological factors on somatic (physical) diseases. It turns out that the root cause of many diseases is precisely our grievances. I will give several examples of such violations due to unforgiven offense.
- Excess weight. With prolonged stress and resentment, a person experiences a lack of positive emotions and food becomes the main source of pleasure for him. Who doesn't like to eat delicious food? But the desire to treat yourself to something tasty comes more and more often, and is no longer controllable. And the numbers on the scales are getting bigger and bigger...
- Throat diseases. If you are prone to frequent throat diseases, and doctors no longer know what to do, you should think about it. Often such diseases occur in those who bear the insult in silence, “swallow” it and cannot let it out.
- Heart diseases may also be the cause of a hidden resentment that weighs heavily on the heart.
Suppressed grievances do not go away on their own. Our body remembers them, even if our mind tries not to notice them and push them out of consciousness.
Grievances from a Spiritual Perspective
For religious people, the answer to what to do with resentment is clear. In one of the most famous Christian prayers, “Our Father,” we read: “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors!” Every religion has words about how to forgive and not hold grudges in your heart. And do it from the bottom of your heart and sincerely, and not just because it’s necessary. The Dahl dictionary gives the following definition: “ Forgive - reconcile in heart, without harboring enmity for offense».
Forgiving is not always easy. What to do?
- The very first thing to start with is to admit to yourself that you are offended. How many people say - no, what are you talking about - I’m the kind of person who never holds a grudge!
- Prayer helps. Even if you are a non-believer, it is recommended to try this method; everyone notes that prayer has a calming effect. If you don’t know prayers, you can say “Lord, have mercy” and pray in your own words, the main thing is that it be sincere, from the heart.
- A recommendation that some may find difficult. Have a heart-to-heart talk with the person who offended you, simply say - I want to discuss with you the incident that offended me. I understand that it’s easier to stand in a proud pose and say, “why should I be the first to start a conversation, because I was the one who was offended.” Think about it, do you want to live in peace of mind? If your answer is “yes,” then you need to look for ways out of this situation.
- Think about how the offender’s action was a benefit or a lesson for you. For example, my client was very offended by the man who left her. For almost a year she hatched a plan for revenge. And, naturally, she didn’t want to hear about any forgiveness. But, having met another man and married him, she realized that if not for the betrayal of the first man, she would never have met her love. From this we can conclude that our emotions are not always correct. Sometimes only time shows that thanks to offenders we become better and stronger.
Forgiving others gives us hope that they will forgive us too, because there are no ideal people. While living, maybe we also offend other people, sometimes on purpose, sometimes without even knowing it. Christ said, “He who is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone.” By forgiving, we improve our health and clear space in our soul for something new.
Autumn - 2011. Magazine ":30 Miracles in half an hour." Publication of the network of clubs for women FitCurves.
Kondratenko Natalia
Doctor, psychotherapist
A warrior can be wounded, but it is impossible to offend him." (C. Castaneda. "Journey to Ixtlan").
- Resentment is one of the derivatives of pride. An offended person himself attracts an offender into his life.
- Resentment is a hidden wish for death to another person; this form of aggression unfolds against the author himself in the form of a program of self-destruction.
- Resentment is deeply suppressed anger.
- It is necessary to remember all the situations in which resentment arose. These are channels for returning energy and restoring the integrity of the energy body and healing the physical body.
- A touchy person is childish, it is difficult to be with him, much less to love. It is necessary to adjust your behavior towards greater realism.
- Remember that all offenders are “mirrors,” and grievances are channels through which life energy flows.
- Remember that; being offended, I punish the other with a feeling of guilt, and this is one of the most painful and sophisticated methods of controlling the offender.
- You cannot plunge old grievances deep into your unconscious. Fearing the memory of grievances, we involuntarily become touchy.
- If you continue to be offended, then your life force goes to the offender.
- Remember that the source of my resentment is the stubbornness with which I refuse to recognize the freedom and individuality of another person.
- When a person loves himself, he creates a space of love around himself, which begins to change everything around him.
Liz Burbo. Your body says "Love yourself!"
Emotional blockage
The expression emanate bile perfectly explains the general metaphysical meaning of liver diseases. Problems arise when a person becomes angry and anxious instead of being flexible and adapting to the situation. He is afraid of the consequences, especially afraid of losing something. Unable to adapt to the new situation, he experiences anger and disappointment.
Liver diseases and disorders indicate that a person is close to depression, even if he himself does not realize it. In metaphysics, the liver is a reservoir in which repressed anger accumulates. Thus, liver problems usually occur in a person who does not let his anger out, tries to appear calm, even when something or someone hurts him greatly. Bitterness and sadness accumulate in his soul. If this process lasts long enough, instead of an attack of anger, which would bring release to this person and restore his peace of mind, an attack of some kind of liver disease occurs.
Mental block
Since the liver plays an important role in coordinating many functions of the human body, dysfunction of this organ means that you have trouble coordinating what happens in your life. Instead of adapting to events and people, you begin to judge them, try to change them, and block the movements of your heart with excessive activity of the mind. Your anger indicates that you forget to put yourself in other people's shoes and strive to always be right. As a result, you often feel resentful. Instead of acting hastily and recklessly, you should carefully think and analyze what is happening and only then make decisions. Your liver tells you that you have what it takes to protect yourself.
The feeling of resentment is most closely related to the feeling of guilt. If a person offends you, consciously or unconsciously, both are guilty of not living up to each other's expectations. That is, both sides of the conflict suffer.
Causes of grievances
Most often they are offended by loved ones. Because it would never occur to anyone to be offended by a rake that hit them in the forehead, or by a minister who passed the wrong law. But we take offense at our loved ones, who can feel our offense, that is, realize that they have done something wrong and try to improve, at any opportunity. Such conflicts in the family lead to such a strong deterioration in relations that everyone can be divided into two camps: one takes the side of the offender, and the other takes the side of the offended. In this case, not only the two people directly in contact in these circumstances suffer, but other family members. And this could lead to an even greater escalation of the conflict. Of course, at first you always feel that you are absolutely right, but in fact this is ordinary egocentrism, focusing on your individual understanding of the situation and reluctance to enter into the position of your opponent.
A feeling of resentment is an emotion designed to help people get used to each other and change, adapting to living or creating together. It is by being offended that we let our partner know that he is not acting as we would like.
The impact of resentment on health
But there is also a negative side to this impact on relatives. First of all, by feeling resentment, we cause the most direct harm to our health! It is by feeling resentment, digesting this state within oneself, suppressing or experiencing it again and again, that a person leads himself to psychosomatic illnesses. No wonder they say that all diseases are caused by nerves.
You are offended, and, protecting yourself from negative influences, the stomach begins to secrete acidic juice without eating, which leads to peptic ulcers. And in other cases, for example, the gallbladder closes the sphincter, which prevents the digestion of fatty foods and causes biliary colic. There are many other diseases that distract you from resentment, keeping your brain and nerve cells in relatively good condition.
The more often a person is offended, the more incidents occur in his life that lead precisely to this state. Because he makes excessive demands on those around him, after which he begins to aggravate his condition with thoughts such as: “No one loves or understands me.” It seems to him more and more that everyone around him is to blame for his problems and failures. Therefore, first of all, it is worth changing your attitude towards people, towards their personal qualities, and understand that the world around you is unlikely to change. And if you don’t change your view of the situation, it will only get worse.
The impact of resentment on relationships
A person who is offended makes certain claims to the offender, which are not fulfilled, which ultimately leads to this unpleasant feeling. But we must understand that not every requirement can be met. For example, a psychologist can very clearly explain why your partner cannot fully meet your needs, which are often simply paradoxical. Demands on each other are imposed on us by the roles we play in society, in relationships with people around us. But this does not mean at all that we are obliged to implement them unquestioningly. In this connection, it is the expectation of a partner’s behavior that would correspond to the ideally performed role that leads to the emergence in us of a feeling of resentment when these roles are not performed properly. Each person is an individual with his own worldview, this must be remembered!
Try writing a list of the positive qualities that you think the abuser should have. Perhaps you will see that combining them in one person is simply unrealistic.
When you try to make a person feel guilty because he offended you or behaved incorrectly in some situation, your demands are not taken literally, your opponent tries to justify himself, giving fairly tolerable arguments in defense of his action. All this is because you are simply different people and were brought up in different conditions. Your life experiences are different. That is why the behavior of both in the same situation will be different. And you, being offended and not wanting to accept another point of view, only leads to a deterioration in the relationship between you, as well as to your own psychosomatic illnesses.
Resentment as a way of regulating relationships is a rather cruel thing. Often it is mothers who teach children to be offended. In infancy, a child, if he doesn’t like something, expresses his feelings by grunting or screaming, and his wishes are immediately fulfilled, the inconveniences are eliminated by sensitive parents. But as the baby grows up, he begins to understand that not all his whims will be fulfilled. In this case, he becomes offended and screams more demandingly and loudly than at an early age. If all his ideas are satisfied as before, the child realizes the influence he has on others through resentment or whims. Then, in adolescence, he will be perfectly able to manipulate his mother or other relatives to achieve his goals.
On the other hand, mothers also use this means of control, putting pressure on the child, reproaching him for behaving incorrectly, being offended that the children do not help. By making her son feel guilty for not being as diligent as her daughter, the mother develops a guilt complex in the child, which may very well ruin a person’s life and prevent him from developing to his full potential as an individual.
Benefit or harm
The feeling of resentment, being simply one of the emotions that accompany our lives in many ways and help us adapt to each other and understand other people's needs, can nevertheless play a rather cruel joke. It is necessary to work with this feeling with the help of healthy reflection on the situation of resentment, manage your emotions in order to keep your body and relationships with people around you healthy!
The feeling of resentment is most closely related to the feeling of guilt. If a person offends you, consciously or unconsciously, both are guilty of not living up to each other's expectations. That is, both sides of the conflict suffer.
Causes of grievances
Most often they are offended by loved ones. Because it would never occur to anyone to be offended by a rake that hit them in the forehead, or by a minister who passed the wrong law. But we take offense at our loved ones, who can feel our offense, that is, realize that they have done something wrong and try to improve, at any opportunity. Such conflicts in the family lead to such a strong deterioration in relationships that everyone can be divided into two camps: one takes the side of the offender, and the other takes the side of the offended. In this case, not only the two people directly in contact in these circumstances suffer, but other family members. And this could lead to an even greater escalation of the conflict. Of course, at first you always feel that you are absolutely right, but in reality this is ordinary egocentrism, focusing on your individual understanding of the situation and reluctance to enter into the position of your opponent.
A feeling of resentment is an emotion designed to help people get used to each other and change, adapting to living or creating together. It is by being offended that we let our partner know that he is not acting as we would like.
But there is also a negative side to this impact on relatives. First of all, by feeling resentment, we cause the most direct harm to our health! It is by feeling resentment, digesting this state within oneself, suppressing or experiencing it again and again, that a person leads himself to psychosomatic illnesses. No wonder they say that all diseases are caused by nerves.
You are offended, and, protecting yourself from negative influences, the stomach begins to secrete acidic juice without eating, which leads to peptic ulcers. And in other cases, for example, the gallbladder closes the sphincter, which prevents the digestion of fatty foods and causes biliary colic. There are many other diseases that distract you from resentment, keeping your brain and nerve cells in relatively good condition.
The more often a person is offended, the more incidents occur in his life that lead precisely to this state. Since he makes excessive demands on the environment, after which he begins to aggravate his condition with thoughts, like: "No one loves me or understands me". It seems to him more and more that everyone around him is to blame for his problems and failures. Therefore, first of all, it is worth changing your attitude towards people, towards their personal qualities, and understand that the world around you is unlikely to change. And if you don’t change your view of the situation, it will only get worse.
The impact of resentment on relationships
A person who is offended makes certain claims to the offender, which are not fulfilled, which ultimately leads to this unpleasant feeling. But we must understand that not every requirement can be met. For example, a psychologist can very clearly explain why your partner cannot fully meet your needs, which are often simply paradoxical. Demands on each other are imposed on us by the roles we play in society, in relationships with people around us. But this does not mean at all that we are obliged to implement them unquestioningly. In this connection, it is the expectation of a partner’s behavior that would correspond to the ideally performed role that leads to the emergence in us of a feeling of resentment when these roles are not fulfilled properly. Each person is an individual with his own worldview, this must be remembered!
Psychology of resentment
Try writing a list of the positive qualities that you think the abuser should have. Perhaps you will see that combining them in one person is simply unrealistic.
When you try to make a person feel guilty because he offended you or behaved incorrectly in some situation, your demands are not taken literally, your opponent tries to justify himself, giving fairly passable arguments in defense of his action. All this is because you are simply different people and were brought up in different conditions. Your life experiences are different. That is why the behavior of both in the same situation will be different. And you, being offended and not wanting to accept another point of view, only lead to a deterioration in the relationship between you, as well as to your own psychosomatic illnesses.
Resentment as a way of regulating relationships is a rather cruel thing. Often it is mothers who teach children to be offended. In infancy, if a child does not like something, he expresses his feelings by grunting or screaming, and his wishes are immediately fulfilled, the inconveniences are eliminated by sensitive parents. But as the baby grows up, he begins to understand that not all his whims will be fulfilled. In this case, he becomes offended and screams more demandingly and loudly than at an early age. If all his ideas are satisfied as before, the child realizes the influence he has on others through resentment or whims. Then, in adolescence, he will be perfectly able to manipulate his mother or other relatives to achieve his goals.
On the other hand, mothers also use this means of control, putting pressure on the child, reproaching him for behaving incorrectly, being offended that the children do not help. By making her son feel guilty for not being as diligent as her daughter, the mother fosters a guilt complex in the child, which may very well ruin a person’s life and prevent him from developing to his full potential as an individual.
Benefit or harm
The feeling of resentment, being simply one of the emotions that accompany our lives in many ways and help us adapt to each other and understand other people's needs, can nevertheless play a rather cruel joke. It is necessary to work with this feeling with the help of healthy reflection on the situation of resentment, manage your emotions in order to keep your body and relationships with people around you healthy!
Psychologist Ekaterina Svetoch.
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