How to learn to laugh at yourself. Laugh at yourself: a healthy attitude towards your shortcomings and strengths, psychological maturity I love people who can laugh at themselves
Is it possible to teach a person to laugh at himself if he has no sense of humor? And in general, maybe it’s stupid to laugh at yourself? Remember stills from a silent movie: a man walks - a man falls - the audience lies in laughter. Why is it funny for us to watch other people’s falls, comical failures, and fights? Because a situation that does not pose a serious threat to life can always look comical. And why, when this happens to us, do we almost never smile, but rather get upset and sad? Why is it difficult to apply irony to yourself?
The reason for the fear of laughing at ourselves
- Reason one: we are afraid to look pathetic in our failure (others will regret it, put it below us, devalue it, abandon it).
- Reason two: we lack the ability to look at the situation from the outside, from a third position.
- Reason three: difficulty expressing feelings and shame for them
- Reason four: low self-esteem
- Reason five: infantilism (immaturity), which means dependence on other people’s opinions
- Reason six: the position of the victim or the role of “Eeyore” (“Only this could happen to me, I’m so unhappy”)
- How does learning to laugh at yourself help?
- Despite the fact that the ability to laugh at oneself solves most of these problems and helps:
- forgive yourself for your mistakes and forgive other people too.
- eliminates ridiculous grievances for minor reasons or even in their absence
- helps not to focus attention on other people's offensive jokes, but to treat them with humor
- from painful feelings of guilt (see point 1)
How to learn to laugh at yourself
- Start your morning by warming up in front of the mirror, making funny faces at yourself, and tousling your hair.
- Start talking in a stupid voice (Donald Duck, Piglet, the robber), try first to yourself, but out loud, and then read a poem to someone close to you in that voice.
- Allow yourself to play, draw and sculpt, just like in childhood. Ride on a swing, jump in hopscotch, build a snowman, make a postcard with your own hands, break the ice with your boot in a puddle, buy yourself an ice cream and eat it on the street, getting it all over your face. It is very difficult for an adult to restructure himself and begin to act spontaneously. But having learned this, a person acquires a huge resource for creativity, openness and mental health.
- Fantasize. Imagine the situation you find yourself in like a scene in a cartoon. Usually, it looks so comical that the person simply stops making the situation worse.
- Be sure to write down the consequences of this situation for you personally in 3 months, 6, 12, etc. In most cases, you will come to the conclusion that your worries are in vain.
- Learn to talk about your shortcomings openly. The more you accept your imperfections, the easier you laugh at them, the stronger you are and the less likely it is that an assessment from the outside will hurt you.
Surely you have experienced a feeling of embarrassment in public, and sometimes, perhaps, they even laughed at you because of some kind of embarrassment. Chances are, we've all had this experience, and that's okay—you should laugh about it too.
Still from the film “Dumb and Dumber”
1. Laughing at yourself means accepting the real you.
Most of us experience feelings of insecurity or frustration due to past failures. However, there is nothing terrible about being imperfect - it is our shortcomings that make us human. At the same time, you must stop diligently convincing others of your worth or strenuously creating an ideal image for yourself. The important thing is that you are honest with yourself about who you are and accept the real and authentic you, despite your flaws. Self-acceptance is the key to self-confidence, and when you are confident, you can easily joke and laugh at yourself.
2. A little self-skepticism actually helps boost confidence.
People who can laugh at themselves are usually optimists, and optimists are more likely to succeed in life. Acknowledging your mistakes in a humorous way helps to perk up when problems arise or when you feel confused or embarrassed. More importantly, we are clearly aware of our weaknesses and understand where we need to improve. The ability to joke about your own mistakes means that you are already working on them. This is the very quality that gives strength to cope with stressful situations and promotes mental balance. By the way, a confident and balanced person always wins you over.
3. When you laugh at yourself, people will like you for being natural.
Ridiculing other people can cause resentment or misunderstanding, but good-natured ridicule of oneself usually makes them smile. Don't worry that you'll lose their respect this way. In fact, people really appreciate your courage and self-criticism. By laughing at yourself, you show them that you are objective about your imperfections, so you look sweet and natural, rather than moody and sad. You shouldn’t take yourself seriously all the time, just make more jokes about yourself.
4. Try to laugh at your past experiences - you can find a lot of material for good jokes there
Learning to laugh at yourself is not always easy, but you can start by remembering some past experiences and your mistakes. Try to understand yourself better, think about what makes you uncomfortable. Think about the mistakes you made: for example, you forgot about an appointment or ruined an important document. Instead of criticizing yourself for being inattentive and unfocused, look at mistakes positively. Think about some of the small details of this experience that may now make you smile. Just remember: to err is human. Tell yourself that you are a perfectly imperfect person and accept yourself as such. Learn to laugh at yourself and you will become much calmer and happier.
Do you know how to laugh at yourself? And treat with irony own life? Or are they always, always serious? In general, laughter, humor, irony are sometimes simply necessary things in our lives, and it is very important to be able to laugh, and, first of all, to be able to laugh not at someone or something (there is a witty joke, a funny comedy), but to laugh at oneself . If there were more laughter and irony (especially self-irony) in the world, there would be fewer wars, hatred, fanaticism (in particular religious) and so on.
It seems that laughing at yourself is so simple and easy, but ironically, simple and seemingly obvious things are the most difficult to understand; it is truly not easy to be simple. It is also quite difficult, at least for many people, to laugh at oneself, because people, as a rule, take their lives very seriously and overly important. A sense of self-importance (or pride, that is) is what prevents us from laughing at ourselves and makes us extremely serious and stupid at the same time. I'm surprised God hasn't died laughing at us humans yet. Watching the nonsense that we become imbued with, as if it were global problems world order.
History knows many examples when, in fact, through empty and petty things, people were even ready to kill each other. And all this: numerous religious wars, all kinds of strife, disputes, misunderstandings and insults, first of all, occur due to the inability of people to laugh at themselves, and in particular at their views and beliefs (which many consider to be the “only true” and “the only correct” "). People take their views and beliefs (especially regarding religion and politics) and themselves in this world very seriously (and some even believe that it is the center of the whole world). As a result, they get offended and angry.
And also, sometimes our life is full of various problems and simply dramatic situations, it’s not better to laugh instead of being upset when fate touches us with its not very attractive side. No, not to laugh at the problems without which our life is inevitable (although you can also laugh at them), but to laugh at yourself and your stupidity. Indeed, what are any of our petty problems in the eyes of the Universe? Grain of sand.
After all, we don’t know how to laugh at ourselves through our pride and the thought that we are smart and know something in this life. And only a real sage (such as the famous Socrates) happily laughs at himself and his “stupidity”, because he knows perfectly well that he knows nothing! And all the serious and arrogant “turkeys” don’t even know this.
American psychologist Gordon Allport said that a mature person has a positive self-image, she is able to tolerate all annoying and disappointing phenomena, accept her own shortcomings and laugh at herself. Mature people have a clear understanding of their strengths and weaknesses, and an important component of self-knowledge is humor, which allows a person to see and accept even the most absurd aspects of their own and others' life situations.
There's definitely some benefit to this
Surely many have had situations when they had to experience embarrassment, and even, perhaps, they quietly giggled at the person because of the embarrassment that had occurred. There is nothing terrible or shameful about this, it happens to everyone, so it’s a good idea to learn to laugh at yourself.
Practice has shown that this can bring a lot of positive aspects. For example:
- If a person can laugh at himself, then he can accept his real self. There's nothing wrong with being imperfect. It is flaws that make a person human. You should not create an ideal image in front of others - it cannot always be maintained. It’s better to accept your imperfections, then it will be easier to communicate, and people will begin to appreciate and respect such a person more.
- Skepticism increases confidence. People who can laugh at themselves are optimists, which means they have a greater chance of succeeding in life. If you joke about your failures, then it is extremely difficult to lose heart even after your thousandth failure.
- People love funny people. Ridiculing others can cause misunderstanding (and in particularly advanced cases, even resentment), but if a person makes fun of himself, it makes others smile. In this case, a person does not lose self-respect at all; on the contrary, people really value courage and self-criticism.
- Past experiences make for great jokes. Learning to laugh at yourself and criticize your present self is not always easy, but you can start by remembering past mistakes. These problems have long since become obsolete, so why not make fun of them?
Self-irony
The ability to laugh at oneself is called self-irony. This is one of the types of ironic spectrum of discussion when the person himself is the center of attention. It is built on hiding or contrasting meaning to create the feeling that a person is not what he is seen to be.
Self-irony gives a person the opportunity to joke about himself without humiliating his self-esteem. Allows you to sensibly assess your own abilities and victories, without falling into a state of self-flagellation or pride. Self-irony is a sign of inner strength and weakness, especially when it turns into a defense mechanism. But in both of these cases, this quality reduces the risk of attack from others: it is pointless to point out mistakes to a person who not only sees them, but also laughs at them.
In addition to a healthy attitude to life and protective functions, self-irony helps to present oneself in a favorable light, without resorting to direct praise of one’s qualities. Emphasizing your minor flaws makes all your advantages visible. The ability to laugh at oneself testifies to a full and deep knowledge of oneself. Such a person will easily highlight some shortcoming and criticize it in an original form. By doing this, he will not cause damage to his psyche, and will not indulge in humiliation or apology.
Self-irony says that a person loves and accepts himself entirely, with all positive and negative qualities. It is these traits that make people attractive; others always strive for them and respect them. That's why you have to laugh at yourself.
Education
Lively optimism and laughter when looking at problems (and there are many of them in life) help make everyday life much more pleasant. Coping with troubles becomes much easier, and self-irony helps you establish great relationships and make life easier. Developing the ability for self-irony is useful. This will help avoid increased sensitivity and vulnerability, prevent angry and caustic statements and relieve feelings of guilt. There are, of course, a lot of other useful “goodies”, but more on that later.
So how can you learn to laugh at yourself? It cannot be said that it is simple, especially when a person perceives everything with hostility. The ability to sincerely laugh and joke about oneself, not to depend on the opinions of others and not to expect praise in one’s address indicates that a person is mentally healthy and balanced. Therefore, you need to start training self-irony by working on your own self-esteem. It is also worth presenting yourself to society from time to time (about 1-2 times a week), thus gaining interaction experience.
Of course, as an option, you can turn to a psychotherapist: he will straighten your self-esteem and teach you to laugh. However, it is possible to move the situation forward without his help.
Neutral Observer
To laugh at yourself easily, you need to learn to look at yourself from the outside. Taking the role of a neutral observer, you can notice that everything around is not so tragic, accordingly, everything is much simpler than it seems. Just don’t expect that you will be able to laugh at yourself right away - this is only the first step.
Learn from others
You can learn self-irony from others, the main thing is to constantly be around such people. The environment has always influenced the personality, and ironic people will help you see in reality that there will always be reasons to laugh at yourself, and this is not at all scary and certainly not reprehensible. Such people are respected much more than serious and meticulous people.
Children
You can watch children - they always look funny and are simply magnificent in their frivolity and “fooling around”. Perhaps after such observations a person will develop the habit of making faces at himself in the mirror. This is even great.
This new hobby will help you feel more relaxed and free. And it will definitely rid your face of the heavy mask of snobbery.
Disadvantages are value
You need to take another look at your shortcomings. Not in order to get rid of them or never show them to anyone. You just need to list them, take them for granted - they are there, and that’s it. Some comedians advise writing them down separately on a piece of paper. They note that many of these qualities can be quite beneficial. Perhaps all the negative qualities written down are not so bad, they just weren’t very convenient for other people, and they said that you can’t do that.
Take risks
Allow yourself for one day to be whoever you want, the kind of person you want, without adjusting to the interests of others, but only completely following your desires. True, in the worst case scenario, you will have to restore your reputation over the next few days, but it will be worth it. In a good situation, a person will see that his present, with all its extravagant manifestations, is perceived by those around him very willingly.
For example, you can come to karaoke with friends (especially those novice comedians who have had a bear in their ear, and not alone, but with friends) and say a few ironic phrases about your complex relationship with music. The wish will come true. Instead of, as usual, not taking part in the chants, those around you will begin to support and invite you to the microphone. You no longer have to restrain yourself; you can sing to your heart’s content, both without a voice and without hearing. Friends themselves asked when they were honestly warned about their lack of talent.
And one more nuance
The ability to make decisions quickly is very important, and you will also need a certain set of words that will be useful in any situation. You can use words correctly and for their intended purpose if:
- Increase your vocabulary (read constantly, watch educational shows).
- Learn to see in everything positive sides.
- Memorize common expressions and learn to apply them in different situations.
Examples
You can find a lot of reasons to laugh at yourself. And even more examples of successful ridicule of one’s own shortcomings. By the way, the trick of self-irony is used not only by individuals, but by many companies and famous brands. Thus, a video about smart cars was presented to the public. First, it shows how a car is blown away by the wind, it slips, and after slipping on a small pebble, flies into a ditch. Then the car is transported to the city and all its advantages in a metropolis are shown. A very successful example of opposition, and it works not only with technology and transport.
The well-known Aliexpress trading platform analyzed many complaints about strange (and this is putting it mildly) translations in product descriptions and organized an advertising campaign where distorted translations were used. Next to such translations there was a scan code to go to the product page. With this idea they attracted many buyers and even became spiritually closer to the consumer. But such an effect could not have been achieved by expressing a meager official apology.
Condition
This humorous approach perfectly helps to maneuver in today's changing world. You just need to understand where and when to use self-irony. Take, for example, the same advertisement. For the entertainment industry and product manufacturers, self-irony is just what the doctor ordered. But such a trick will not work with a serious notary office. They also don’t joke when it comes to health and finances - this is at least inappropriate.
The presence of self-irony contributes to the creation and strengthening of interpersonal relationships. But if, for example, a girl laughs at herself too artificially, a lot and often, then this does not indicate her positivity at all, but rather the manifestation of a defensive reaction and a kind of attempt to hide her complexes.
Stuttering student
An excellent example of adequate self-irony can be one comment from a stuttering student who, during his defense, scientific project said: “All the information is on the slides, because if I start telling you, we won’t leave here until the morning.” Both his fellow students and the teacher appreciated his self-irony, giving him the highest mark.
Another excellent example of self-irony can be the behavior of an overweight girl who, without a twinge of conscience, orders a cake, saying at the same time that good man there must be a lot.
But if someone refuses a party under the dubious pretext that he is a bad dancer, then this is a bad, unfortunate way to laugh at oneself, rather, it is a common manipulation aimed at getting the event postponed, or the person wants to be persuaded and praised longer etc. A self-ironic person would say the wrong thing about his dancing abilities. “I can trample your feet, is that really what you want?” is what he would answer.
Psychology
If you look at self-irony from a psychological point of view, then it can be considered a sign of a person’s subtle mind and elegant inner world. But on the other hand, self-irony is sometimes defined as a defense mechanism. It all depends on how a person jokes about himself. If he makes comments in honor of his shortcomings, in which his surroundings also appear (as in the example with dancing given above), then this is healthy self-irony. But if a person makes jokes that are aimed at him alone (no matter how funny they are), this indicates his desire to protect himself from society. He is not ready to let people into his world, but laughs at himself so that someone else doesn’t do this.
Safety regulations
Self-mockery as a tool of dialect and life position began to acquire special meaning in early XIX century. However, it is worth noting that such a movement originated in the time of Socrates, who loved to argue with the sophists and from time to time make fun of himself. Since that time, only outstanding minds of their time could boast of this quality. It was much easier for ordinary people to joke with each other, and quite cruelly.
But time has passed, and today everyone can laugh at themselves; the secrets of how to develop this ability have long ceased to be a secret. The main thing is not to overdo it and adhere to some rules:
- Make sure you're kidding yourself.
- The joke should reflect reality, make sure it does.
- Don't joke about what's important to others. Self-irony can offend someone.
- Use irony only when you are being listened to carefully.
Laughter prolongs life - this has already been said more than once. And despite the fact that in modern world there is too much negative information, you need to be able to perceive it with dignity and parry it, turning it into a funny joke.