Why do guys look at others? Why does a man look at other people's women and what to do about it? Scanners from birth
Aliya.
Good afternoon. Such a problem, I can’t go to public places with my husband, he always pays attention to other women, looks, examines them, if I make a remark he assures me that he didn’t look, but recently the last straw was that he was looking at a group of very young girls of 18- 20 years, and I saw his interested look, then several times he looked at them, glanced at them, tried to talk about abstract topics so that I would not understand, but I saw everything.
I’m ready to get a divorce because I’m tired of this. He is 32, I am 31. This is not jealousy, I see that a person always likes to look with his eyes and, moreover, his gaze is very interested, at this moment he falls out of reality. For me, he’s just a goat; I’ve never noticed that in anyone before I met him. I caught him on dating sites and added him a lot on social networks different girls. I tried to save my family but nothing. I am tired of this.
Aliya, hello!
How long have you been married to this man?
Was his behavior as you describe from the very beginning of your marriage to him?
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What would you like to receive as a result of the consultation?
Aliya.
This behavior was there from the beginning, at first I didn’t pay attention, it was even funny to see how he followed the girls with his eyes, then when I saw dating sites, and in the history of his phone there were a bunch of photos, looking through photos of girls, I realized who I got as my husband.
As a result of the consultation, I would like to get an outside opinion on whether it is worth living with such a man or not.
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, this is a disrespectful attitude towards your girlfriend
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, that he does not respect me, does not value me and there is no love, because a man who loves his wife will not look at others so openly in front of her
Dmitry Novikov, I feel disappointed in this man, I give up and have no desire to be with him and build a relationship further
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, I think all men look at beautiful girls, but a normal person will not do this openly in front of his wife, like my husband.
all men look at beautiful girls, but a normal man will not do this openly in front of his wife, like my husband.
Can this be understood in such a way that if you train your husband not to look at others in your presence, then everything will be fine?
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, well, not just to train))) but to control yourself))) or is that impossible?)
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, apparently not necessary
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, I don’t know. I can't pay attention to this
Dmitry Novikov, or rather, ignore it
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, his. It’s not me who doesn’t control my behavior. Of course, if you ask him, he will answer you - that he is not looking, and it is me who needs to be treated.
But judging by the fact that this has been going on for a long time, and he has not changed, apparently I need to change my attitude towards this. It’s somehow easier to react rather than take it to heart.
Aliya.
Dmitry Novikov, I just don’t believe that these views are so harmless, I think these are warning signs, and someday I will find out about the betrayal. Because such views, uncontrolled, mean that a person is looking for something else for himself, or rather for someone else.
Yes, but I don't know how to take it easier. If I had known, I would have stopped paying attention a long time ago and lived in peace.
I don't know how it's easier to perceive this. If I had known, I would have stopped paying attention a long time ago and lived in peace.
I can express my vision of your situation. You may not like it, but that's just my personal opinion.
Your husband, like most normal, healthy, heterosexual men, pays attention to other women. By the way, women love to look beautiful for a reason. They like to catch men's gaze. In other words, you don’t need to do anything with your husband, everything is fine with him. True, he really could have taken care of you and not been so obnoxious in your presence.
But the most interesting thing is what happens to you. Essentially, this is jealousy. One of the main reasons for jealousy is low self-esteem, the fear that other women may be more attractive. You need to understand and work through the origins of your low self-esteem. A psychotherapist can help with this.
In general, something like this.
A guy walks with a girl and suddenly another one appears on the horizon. And so he follows the stranger with his gaze, causing rage in his companion. Is this a familiar story? How many scandals between guys and girls, and especially in young married couples, are caused by the strange habit of men looking at other people’s women. Why does a man look at other girls? Is this really dangerous for relationships and how should HIS girlfriend behave in this situation?
Why does a man look at other women, even if he is his own?
Why does this happen: a girl or woman seems beautiful and smart, but a man still constantly notices her on the street, in a store or at a party of other girls. And who? Vulgar liberated girls, on whom there is “no place to put a brand,” or, on the contrary, nondescript “gray mice - no face, no skin”! “I could have twisted his head off!” - 99% of young women are indignant, seeing the constant incomprehensible interest of men in looking at other people's legs, butts and blouses.
Of course, all girls want their boyfriend or husband to look only at them, but this seems to be a completely unattainable dream.
Why is a man designed in such a way that he needs to constantly look at women?
Indeed, the male body is designed in such a way that any normal healthy man pays attention to any woman who radiates feminine charm. Simply put, from the point of view of biology, a man looks at everyone in whom he senses a female. If a man does not notice women around him, then this can only indicate deviations in his physiology. And this is not at all an insult to representatives of any minorities, but is justified by evolutionary features, which are discussed below.
Over many years of evolution of the human species, the main purpose of a man was to continue the race. That is, to fertilize females and take care of the safety and nutrition of the offspring. Only when in human society Some kind of civilization began to take shape, and certain “moral norms” began to be imposed on gender relations. Before this, everything was simple: a man, in his free time from hunting and fighting for territory, had to catch and fertilize as many females as possible. Women had to give birth more often. A man was exposed to greater danger as a warrior and hunter. Wild animals, people from a hostile tribe, less hardy organism compared to women. And in general - high mortality and a small human population of the then earth.
There were not so many women, but there was a demand for them. Biological instincts suggested that it was not appropriate for relatives from the tribe to mate. Therefore, the man had to notice the woman in time, preferably from a foreign tribe.
In general, observation is main feature a successful man - a warrior and hunter. If you didn’t notice the enemy or game in time, you remained hungry or completely dead. It’s the same with “deficit” women: if you don’t notice, someone else will notice and multiply themselves.
In such conditions, the male brain was formed over hundreds of thousands of years. Why does a man today behave like a “hunter of women”? Because in the short 5-7 thousand years of civilization, men did not have time to rebuild. Women are no longer in short supply, and some even have to be run from. But the “hardwired into the subconscious” habit of looking out for a potential partner among people remains. Moreover, most men do this subconsciously, not at all for any lustful reasons. No hysterics of women, no denunciations of feminists and moralists work here. Nature is nature.
Is everything really so sad and girls are doomed to male infidelity? But no! If your man is a civilized person with strong moral principles, then you probably shouldn’t worry and freak out. If not, well, it’s your own fault—after all, you chose it.
What do psychologists advise? To what extent can watching a strange girl in a miniskirt threaten your relationship?
When should you not worry?
Even when you notice that your boyfriend or husband likes to look at other women, you should not worry if:
- If your man looks at you with no less “lustful” gaze than at your imaginary rivals, you feel his desire for you, and even more if this is accompanied by some actions of an intimate nature towards you: he seeks to hug you, press, kiss, touch...
- Your sex life is satisfying for both of you. Your chosen one does not ignore you, is good in bed, and tries to please you. What could be more proof that you are the best for him?
- Your boyfriend or husband is not shy, but on the contrary, he strives to be with you in society, introduces you to friends and work colleagues, and is not bothered to go to the cinema, theater, or go to a restaurant with you. This is clear evidence that he is pleased with you in every sense. Why should a man change you for someone else if he is satisfied with everything about you? This is not in men's logic.
When should a man's indecent behavior be taken seriously?
Here are signs when your relationship may be at risk:
- Your man doesn’t just look at other people’s women, but tries to flirt with them: he casts eloquent glances, winks, tries to hug, makes unambiguous compliments that clearly go beyond the scope of ordinary politeness.
- You regularly hear that your boyfriend or spouse was seen in the company of another woman and it was clearly not for work.
- A man does not look at you with a gaze full of desire and admiration.
- Your husband never takes you with him to parties, corporate events and generally tries to be with you in public as little as possible, finding the most ridiculous excuses for this. Of course, the reason for this may be your own behavior, so we recommend that you think first: could they be embarrassed about you because of your jealousy and scandalousness?
- Your sex life is much worse than before.
I want a man to look only at me with admiration!
What do psychologists advise in order to return the fire to a relationship and distract a man from “wrong” thoughts when he sees other people’s bare female legs.
How NOT to behave:
- No need for hysterics. The stupidest thing you can do when you notice your man's gaze on someone else's butt is to throw a tantrum and then nag him about it for a long time, asking why the man does this to you. He himself doesn’t know. And you know: the more forbidden the fruit is, the sweeter it is. Become bright so that other people's men will look at you (just don't even think about flirting!) and your chosen one will not have time to look at other people's butts - they wouldn't take theirs away!
- You are not a detective or a statistician! You don’t need to constantly watch your man’s gaze and write down in a little black book how many girls he glanced at. Do not worry! No amount of negativity or nerves will make you more attractive. On the contrary, try to find something pleasant in every little thing connected with your man. If he feels that your happiness is connected with him, then all other girls will become of little interest to him.
How to behave:
- Don't do anything if you are completely confident in yourself.
- Calmly let the man know that this behavior bothers you. Just first give yourself an account of what exactly is bothering you? Perhaps just selfishness?
- Discuss your fears and your dissatisfaction with your man. Why don't you want him to look at other girls?
- Try to wonder what is attractive about this or that girl he has his eyes on? Discuss with him the appearance or clothing of the girl he meets, as a male friend might do. And you don’t have to force him every time to say that you are still better. If you're not a fool, you'll think of adding it yourself. In addition to the fact that this conversation will add trust to you on his part, it may also be useful to you: what if you decide to change yourself in some way? A person should periodically make radical changes in himself.
- Take the initiative. Ask the guy yourself how he likes this or that girl you meet, just don’t talk about them in a derogatory tone—it’s better to praise them, on the contrary. Then he himself argues with you and says that her legs are not so beautiful. And don't do it too often: it will arouse suspicion that you are taking revenge.
- Out of revenge, you should also not demonstratively look at the men around you and admire their beauty, suit or car.
- Give your man the opportunity to look at you from afar and from new angles. Men quickly stop noticing what is familiar and close to them. Make a date with your boyfriend or husband in unfamiliar places and show up wearing a new miniskirt or a new hairstyle. Let him look out for you in the crowd and pay attention to your appearance.
- Also, at any events where you come with your man, leave him with friends, and find something to do for yourself a little away. Let him watch you from a distance.
- Critically evaluate your appearance and your interests. Many women make a mistake: as soon as the registry office door slams behind them, they stop caring about their appearance, do not expand their horizons, and do not have any interests in life (of course, interests should not overshadow the man himself). And what kind of man enjoys living with a boring and uninteresting scumbag? One will endure, and the other will not be so hardy. Take care of yourself, develop yourself!
- Try to be sincerely interested in his interests. Get involved in building a summer house together, go fishing with him overnight, go to football or to the gym. There are no better or stronger couples who, in addition to the stamp in their passport and children, are also united by common interests.
Based on materials from the sites: http://likuniya.ru and http://shkolazhizni.ru (author Vitaly Pichugin)
How often do women get offended by their husbands and lovers because they pay close attention to strange women.
Men really love looking at beauties. But won't a woman pay attention to a handsome man, with excellent bearing and dignified behavior?
The role of a man
Psychologists note that evolution has assigned men the role of hunters and protectors. Only a man who knows how to navigate the terrain in time and spot prey or an attacking animal can successfully fulfill such a role.
“But planes don’t fly on their own and steamships don’t sail on their own,” states a modern song. Indeed, men hold the helms of airplanes and ships in their strong hands.
If the person driving vehicle, will not see the obstacle on the way, he will crash into a pole. When men stop looking at the world around them, accidents and disasters will begin to occur. Imagine suddenly all the cars colliding, trains derailing, steamships crashing into coastal cliffs, and rocket scientists accidentally pressing the wrong button! The world will simply perish!
Features of men's perception of the world
Throughout life, a person has to make choices, solve some problems, small or large. Men make decisions based on reasonable arguments, unlike women, who are more often driven by emotions.
Men love to look at women; they really perceive the world, unlike women, who often hover in the clouds of their illusions. Men love women the way they see them.
Scientists have long noticed: a man’s home is the whole world, a woman’s world is her home. In order to maintain order in a man’s house, you need to be able to correctly evaluate all the details and notice disharmony in a timely manner.
To understand and to forgive
Scientists advise wives to remember their natural characteristics more often. It is known that men live more with their minds, women with their hearts.
So, maybe wives should use their hearts. The woman who will remember that a real man must be able to consider the world, understand it and forgive it. If a wife loves her husband, she will see in his views towards other women only a natural quality, and not promiscuity.
It doesn't matter what, but how
It is important to clarify one point in this situation: what exactly offends the woman, the husband’s attention to other representatives of the fair sex, or how he looks at them and how often.
It's probably one thing when the husband is just completely the world, looks at women, men, children, purely statistically, so to speak. So to speak, for orientation in space.
It’s completely different when he looks with obvious lust, lust, greasy eyes at others and with contempt and disdain at his woman.
Of course, not a single woman will like to see next to an unbridled male who, with his mouth open and saliva dripping from his tongue, devours with his eyes all the beauties passing by. If a man’s eyes glow with a vulgar appeal to everything that moves, and he does not pass by a single skirt so as not to pinch his buttock, then this will become a clear insult to the companion walking next to him.
Men - take care of yourself!
In this situation, a man, of course, needs to monitor not only the people around them, but also himself.
Psychologists advise such a man, standing in front of the mirror, to evaluate his view of strangers. Go to the mirror and determine what exactly the look expresses when a man sees or remembers other women. Unbridled lust or ordinary, respectful, friendly attention.
Men should control their instincts and not forget about the rules of decency. Of course, men hold the helm of our world in their strong hands, but they also walk under God. That is, they are also affected by the rules of behavior developed in society. These rules should be followed so that there are no unnecessary insults and misunderstandings between people. Respect and decency extend to the rules of your relationship with your wife.
Psychologists advise men to try not to offend their spouse with excessive admiration for other women and disdainful glances in her direction. Clearly expressed lust, vulgar, greasy looks should be left at home, and should not compromise oneself with them in the eyes of others. Experts do not recommend offending your girlfriend or spouse with such behavior.
Women should think about it
A woman who values the love of her husband should carefully monitor her husband’s behavior towards other women and draw conclusions for herself.
If there is a man next to you who does not respect himself and you, who does not observe the rules of decency, an unbridled male, then there is no need to be upset. Is such a male individual worth a woman's tears? Such a handsome man can be absolutely calmly released on all four sides. Let him stare at anyone as much as he wants, somewhere away from you.
Psychologists advise women who have normal, adequate husbands to pay attention to their appearance and behavior. Perhaps you should change your torn robe to stylish modern pajamas, update your hair, wear a new dress, be gentler at night and more reserved in society.
A woman lives guided by her heart, unlike men who are led by their sober mind. The heart may tell you that you need to look at your husband with admiration, say a lot of kind words to him, praise him often, and approve of his actions. You should not make comments to your spouse in the presence of his friends or strangers.
If the husband began to look at the women around him because he was tired of his wife’s sloppiness and grumpiness, she needs to change her behavior and bring herself into the appropriate form. Keeping abreast of stylish new clothes, monitoring your posture, your health, and your conversation is necessary if you want to be respected and loved.
If the wife constantly complains about headache in the evenings, a man will sooner or later begin to stare at others.
You are two wings of a beautiful bird
After honestly thinking about the situation, you need to try to find the right solution to the problem, if it is a problem. Perhaps a quick, casual glance at your neighbor on the landing is not worth such close attention?
When spouses take steps of love towards each other, trying to find compromises, giving in to each other, trying to maintain the unity of the family, everything works out for them.
In the process of searching for unity and mutual concessions, spouses educate each other and find harmony. True harmony comes when the male mind becomes more cordial, and the female heart becomes smarter.
Family is a beautiful bird, man and woman are its strong wings, equally supported by both wings, it will fly to the heavens of happiness.
No matter how attractive, well-groomed and successful a wife is, she is not immune from the fact that her husband will not start looking at other women, even if they are not so ideal. It is very difficult for a woman to accept the fact that her husband constantly looks at other women, but there is no need to go to extremes, it is better to find the reason for such behavior in time and do everything to build a sound plan of action.
What's in the article:
Why is this happening?
There are dozens of reasons for a man to follow another woman with his gaze at every step. At the same time, anything can provoke such actions. Why do husbands do this?
- If your husband often looks at other women, he may have lost interest in his lady. This happens if the man has not experienced it from the very beginning. big feelings to his wife, or these feelings faded away over time, and the woman did not pay attention to it.
- The man does not feel comfortable around his wife, ease of communication has disappeared.
- A woman treats a man without respect. This may be constant dissatisfaction, frequent “washing the bones” of the husband with his girlfriends or with his friends. She does everything to insult him at every turn. No matter how much a man loves his wife, he will not tolerate such an attitude for long.
- The other half constantly accuses her husband of not being able to provide her with a comfortable life (while she herself does nothing for this). She constantly reproaches him for the lack of gifts and care. This is all required by order.
- A woman (even sometimes without realizing it) makes a man understand that she does not need him.
- A man feels that a woman needs him only as a sponsor or to create convenience in her life.
- Having conquered several women's hearts at the same time, the young man wants to show his influence, popularity among the fairer sex, and emphasize his pride. In the same way, he seeks variety in life, not understanding the consequences this could have for his family.
- A man is often under the influence of alcohol. This is one of the main reasons for cheating, when the stronger half loses control over himself and may not regulate his actions.
- Constantly being in a company where it is customary to brag about your infidelities and “adventures.” For such people, this is par for the course and helps them express themselves. It’s rare that a man, once in such a society, wants to remain a “black sheep.”
- For various reasons, the woman stopped taking care of her appearance: I haven’t spent time on shaping my figure or changing my hairstyle for a long time. Why is this important for a man? He wants to see a beautiful, sexy and confident lady next to him.
How to react correctly?
There are a lot of options for how a woman can react to such behavior from a man. The only thing you definitely don’t need to do is sort things out and read your lover out on the street, in a company or surrounded by employees.
- If a man sometimes pays attention to young people on the street and looks intently into their eyes, you should not immediately panic and be openly indignant. If he looks at female beauty, and not at a specific person, there is nothing illegal or terrible in this.
- There is no need to consider such ladies as obvious rivals and constantly remind your husband about this. It’s even better sometimes to turn his gaze to beautiful ladies, and the infatuation may go away on its own over time. If there is a desire and a woman is calm about self-criticism, you can ask her husband what those women have, but do not have in her.
- You should not express your dissatisfaction and throw a tantrum if your husband pays attention to another lady in the company. Whatever anger overcomes a woman, it is better to restrain her emotions in company and express them at home. In the meantime, in order to distract yourself from unpleasant thoughts, start communicating yourself (preferably with men), dance and have fun.
- If a woman perceives such male behavior too painfully, it is better to discuss it with him and put everything in its place. Approach this process calmly and balancedly, choosing the right moment. If a husband often looks at other women, this does not necessarily mean cheating. He may not even realize that this is so painful for his rightful lady. If the husband still has feelings for his wife, and such views are purely male interest, he will definitely draw conclusions.
- Not everyone approves of this method, but you can repay your husband in the same coin. Before his eyes, he begins to pay attention to other men. In this case, be sure to take into account his common sense and level of jealousy.
Actions that will only ruin everything
Many women, without thinking about the situation, begin to sort things out here and now. They don’t even think that this can only make the situation worse. If a man looks at other women, you should never:
- Screams and hysterics force you to immediately stop glancing at passing ladies. Whether this will help the man is unknown, but she will definitely make herself look hysterical.
- When a young man looks at another woman, there is no need to throw yourself on his neck, distract his gaze or kiss him.
- Make threats and promises to leave her husband, constantly lecture him.
- Ignore the situation, thinking that everything will work out on its own.
- Begging with tears to stop paying attention to other women.
- Ignore him as a man and constantly condemn such actions.
If the husband stops paying attention and looking at others in front of his wife, what will prevent him from going out with friends more often and looking at the ladies in this way (if only this will work out). And “devoted friends” can help.
How can a woman become interesting to her husband again?
A woman can correct such a situation or prevent her husband from starting to look at others. To do this she needs:
- Don't open up completely to a man. It should remain a highlight, a mystery that a man will want to solve. If the chosen one predicts every step, he feels his permissiveness. The egoist awakens in him.
- A woman must work on herself, her skills, develop her hobbies, make new friends, prove her success and independence. If there is noticeable progress in all this, it is likely that the lover will think about family values.
- Do not constantly loom before the eyes of your lover. In this case, seeing each other more often does not mean that the relationship is improving. On the contrary, sometimes a small breakup of a few days will help reveal your true feelings for your significant other. Why is this step so important? This time is needed to understand whether people are bored or are better off apart.
- Understand male psychology. Sometimes a man's antics do not mean at all that the wife is bad or has stopped taking care of herself. It is worth approaching this issue from a scientific point of view and it will be much easier to endure such a situation.
- If you want to become interesting and caring for your man again, do not forget to be interested in his experiences, desires, and dreams. It doesn’t hurt to be sincerely inspired by his passion. Perhaps his behavior helps him overcome mental trauma or experiences.
A good family is a lot of work. To do this, you need to develop trust and mutual understanding as the basis of family well-being. In order to perceive and work on this problem not to be so excruciatingly painful, it is better to take a philosophical approach to the problem.
The article was checked and approved by a psychologist. Gryzlova Olga Yuryevna, special psychologist, 15 years of experience. .
If a married girl pays attention to other men, there may be many reasons for this. Perhaps she simply gets aesthetic pleasure from watching an attractive representative of the stronger sex. Most likely, she will not even have thoughts about cheating on her significant other, so most often men themselves escalate the situation in vain.
In addition, married girls may pay attention to other guys in search of a new victim. This occurs due to the natural hypersexuality of some women, lack of attention from their legal husband, or due to a lack of feelings for him.
However, most often, girls look at other people's men in order to get a reaction from their lover.
Goals that married women pursue by paying attention to other men
Sometimes you can notice situations when a girl walks down the street with her husband and openly looks at a handsome young man walking by. Men should understand that such an action is not a sign of infidelity. Try to remember, maybe in Lately you devoted too little time to your significant other, and by doing so she simply decided to show you that she needs attention from the stronger sex.
Also, such behavior can become a kind of signal that a married girl is still desirable and capable of arousing admiration from other guys. The reason for this behavior can be any of your thoughtless phrases regarding a woman’s external shortcomings. With this action, she is simply trying to prove to her man that she is still attractive, and his words were stupidity, which greatly hurt her pride.
In addition, some girls simply lack the thrill of a relationship with their legal spouse. If you have been married for quite a long time, have begun to treat each other with coolness, there is trust between you, and conflicts arise only on everyday grounds, your significant other is able to decide on such an act in order to cause your jealousy and at least some emotions. She wants to understand that she is still not indifferent to you, that your feelings have not faded away, and you will demolish everything in your path if someone has some plans for your woman.
Another goal that married women pursue when paying attention to other men is revenge for similar male behavior.
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